“Why are you sabotaging your career?”

That was the question one of my closest friends asked me just weeks before Trevor and I got married.

“You’ve worked your whole life to be a cellist and now you’re just going to set it aside? Do you expect to get jobs in the same orchestra? In the same section?!”

Even though I didn’t have a good answer, we went ahead and got married anyway. That was over 13 years ago. I knew marrying a musician would bring about both blessings and curses. It’s awesome to know your spouse totally “gets you” when you’re ranting about the annoyances of rehearsal today, or comparing goosebumps from playing the last movement of Mahler 5. It’s super convenient that when one of us is panic-practicing the night before a first rehearsal, the other one can point to the spots that are hardest. Oh yeah, and did I mention that we have the same schedule and vacation times?! Also, Trevor and I are very different cellists, which means I probably learn much more from him before breakfast (just from hearing him practice in the other room) than I did in my first couple years of college! It’s truly amazing. The joys of sharing so much common ground are huge. 

There’s another side to this coin…

Like the reality that we needed a car big enough for 4 even BEFORE we had kids. Or having a fight and wanting to call a friend but remembering that ALL of our friends are BOTH of our friends. Or having a horrible day at work and knowing that your partner won’t be cheering you up today ‘cuz, guess what? His day was just as bad. Or how about the time when a pandemic struck the world and symphonies shut down and just like that your household is unemployed. And not just unemployed, but the validity and future of your jobs (and identities) are uncertain. I wonder what my doubting friend’s advice would be nowadays…

So, is this the worst time to be married to another cellist? Or the best? Another question for which I don’t really have a good answer…

But here’s what I know. This week we are back to total lockdown in our house due to a possible virus exposure. But even so, we were blessed to get our fill of chamber music. During the rare quiet moments in the house (when the 2-year-old was napping and the 6-year-old was in a virtual-gymnastics class), we played duets together. We played duets before the kids were up and after they went to bed. We got to be inspired by each other’s playing and tease each other for our faults. We got to the see Kenji’s name on our music stand next to the words “For Marilyn and Trevor.” We escaped the fears and celebrated the victories with the engrossing sounds of celli. We remembered why so many composers wrote cello duets (not violin or piccolo duets… just sayin’…).  

Sharing music always feels so good… with friends, and you, dear listeners! But I get to share cello music WITH MY HUSBAND. I get to keep calm and cell-out every day!

I’d say that’s a win.

Marilyn de Oliveira
Assistant Principal Cello, Oregon Symphony